New Year. New You.
This blog is long, and getting the most out of it is going to take some time. My encouragement is to open a tab or add a bookmark to this page so you can come back when you have the time to walk through each step. If you take the time, this can be a massive help to you this year. You can get to the end of the year next year and be a better version of yourself! So here we go…
At least once a year, my family and I travel to Louisiana to see my wife's family. It takes us around 10-11 hours, depending on how many stops we make. Along the way, we stop for gas, stop for bathroom breaks, and always eat a few meals. We’ve made this trip more times than I can count since we’ve lived in Missouri these last nine years. It’s not uncommon on our trips that someone asks, at one of our many stops, where we’re headed and where we’re coming from.
It’s those two questions an angel asks Hagar in the Bible. Hagar is pregnant by Abraham and is being mistreated by Sarai, so she runs away without much of a plan. She’s simply hurting and wants to escape. It’s in her running that the angel finds her and asks her two very important questions.
Genesis 16:7-8 ESV “The angel of the Lord found her by a spring of water in the wilderness, the spring on the way to Shur. And he said, “Hagar, servant of Sarai, where have you come from and where are you going?”...
These are the two questions I want to use as the basis of this blog. You and I are on a journey. This journey has multiple stops, turns, and variables that can keep us from arriving at the life we desire. As this year ends, I want us to pause and make a plan for growth as we head into 2025.
As with any trip, there are multiple markers that are good to know. You need to know your starting point, where you are on the journey, and have a clear destination in mind. This is why I always use my GPS, no matter where I’m going. I instantly know the answer to all three of those markers. So, for the rest of this blog, we’re going to discover where you are on your journey, how you got there, and make a plan to grow into the person you desire next year.
#1 Assess Where You Are
If you’re going to grow and make some progress, you first have to have an accurate picture of where you are. You need a clear starting point. A few years back, I decided to focus on my physical health. So, I did something called a body scan. A body scan gives you some numbers on your physical health. Body fat percentage, total weight, muscle mass, etc. It tells you where you are.
Let’s take that concept and put a number on a few areas of your life. To make it easy, we’re going to give a number on a scale of 1-10 to multiple areas of your life. Ten is the perfect version you wish you were. Ten means you cannot grow or get any better in that area. The more honest you are, the more helpful this is.
On a scale of 1-10, put a number on each of the following areas…
Spiritual health?
Are you reading the Bible? Journaling? How is your prayer life? How is your church attendance? Are you involved in a small group? How close do you feel to God?
Mental health?
How's your attitude? Are you complaining or negative? Are you stressed? Anxious? Depressed? Are you hopeful about the future? Do you have a positive outlook on life?
Physical health?
How do you feel? How are your energy levels? How often do you work out? How are your eating habits? How is your sleep?
Financial health?
Go over your expenses. What are you spending too much or too little on? What are you wasting money on? Are you saving enough? Do you have a plan for retirement? Are you increasing or decreasing debt? Are you generous with your finances? What percentage do you give away?
Marriage and family health?
If you’re married, do you go on date nights? How are those going? How’s your communication with your spouse? How’s your sex life? Are you encouraging your spouse? Is there unresolved conflict or continual conflict with your spouse? If you have children, are you spending quality time with them? How is your individual relationship with each of your children?
Calling and purpose?
Are you helping others? Do you have a mentor? Is someone discipling you? Are you a positive voice in someone else's life? Are you serving in your local church? If so, is that enjoyable or fulfilling? Is there something new you’ve wanted to start or do to help others that you’ve been putting off?
Relational health?
Are you having fun with others? Do you feel like your friendships are lacking in depth or consistency? Are you open and honest about your struggles or your dreams? Who have you spent time with this month? Who should you spend time with next month?
So, how are you doing? What areas were the lowest? This simple exercise can point out some areas you want to focus on next year. I know this list isn’t exhaustive, but rather, it highlights some big areas to get you started in assessing where you are. You could add your career, your attitude, and your dreams to this list as well.
Bonus thought… you may need to get another person's perspective. It may be awkward for you, but you shouldn’t gauge some of these alone. Your spouse, a close friend, or a pastor can provide vital insight into how you're doing in some of these areas. Your humility in asking for their perspective may be the beginning of some positive momentum to make some significant changes.
#2 Reflect On What Brought You Here
Where you currently find yourself is a combination of multiple factors– the experiences you’ve had, the pain you’ve endured, the problems you have faced and are facing, and the people in your life, both positive and negative. All these things have helped bring you to the place you find yourself. There’s a lot I could say in this section, but I want to focus on a few main areas… your pain, your triggers, and your relationships.
Your pain: We all have trauma or pain we’ve endured. No one makes it into adulthood without some scars along the way. If you don’t heal from the pain that brought you here, you’re likely to stay stuck where you are. Are you healed and healthy after the divorce? Have you fully dealt with that betrayal? Have you recovered from the job loss? Have you fully processed the pain of your childhood? These are some big questions, but if you don’t take time to be honest about your pain, it’s hard to heal from it. Claiming it’s “not a big deal” when it’s currently affecting you isn’t helpful. It’s denial.
Your triggers: You can identify an unhealed pain point or trigger by what causes an emotional response in you. When you’re angry, sad, or crying, you’ve probably identified a trigger. Maybe it’s a person, a topic, or a situation that gets you all in your feels. Identifying what triggers you, discovering why it triggers you, and making a plan to deal with it can be a big step in moving forward. Pay extra close attention to your emotions that do not match reality. Is your response equal in measure to what happened? Do “small” things feel big?
Your relationships: People are the primary vehicle the enemy uses to hurt us and keep us from moving forward. People are also the main thing God uses to help us and move us forward in our calling. When satan wants to destroy your life, he brings a person into it. And when God wants to bless your life, He often sends a person into it as well. The thing you and I need to do is assess our relationships. Are the people in your life pulling you away from Jesus and health, or are they pushing you towards Jesus and a healthy life? If you go to them about your marriage struggles, do they encourage you to get a divorce? If you’re having a bad day, do they suggest you go out drinking to numb the pain? Those examples are extreme, but you have to ask yourself, am I a healthier person with them in my life? If not, maybe it’s time to reframe that relationship and create some healthy boundaries.
#3 Make a Plan to Achieve Your Desires
Now that we’ve assessed where you are and thought through what brought you to this point, we need a picture of a better future and a plan to get there. Your life is perfectly set up to get the results you’ve gotten. Your faith, your marriage, and your physical health are all a by-product of the goals you set and the pattern you live by. I live in Missouri, and no matter how badly I wanted to go to Florida for the winter, I would never get there by driving north. I could pray, fast, and beg God to get me to Florida. I could get friends to advise me and invest in the perfect car to get there. None of that would matter. Why? Because direction, not intention, determines my destination. To say it another way, the pattern I live by determines the results I get. If I wanted to get to Florida, I’d have to get my GPS, type in an address, and start driving south. So, let’s unpack this idea as it pertains to the areas you assessed earlier.
Start with the end in mind.
What is the destination you want to get to or the goal you want to achieve? What does the ideal faith look like? What about the ideal marriage? The ideal friendships? Take some time and think through what it would look like to have the faith, the finances, or the marriage you long for. If you don’t know what it will look like to achieve your goals, it’s hard to know if you’re getting any closer to them.
Think through the pattern you would have to live by to achieve that goal.
If your patterns don’t support your goals, you don’t have goals; you have wishes. We want to move beyond just wishing for a better future; we want a plan to get there. To make this super practical and helpful, let’s take two areas from our above list and walk through them together.
A better marriage. Let’s quantify that a little bit. What does that look like when you see a great marriage in another couple? They’re probably happy to see each other. They’re probably affectionate and encouraging. They probably spend quality time together and have a healthy, intimate life. They don’t fight obsessively and ignore each other when they’re home together. If I had to guess, the relationship you have with your spouse probably had some of these characteristics as well. No one gets married to someone because they love fighting and having an annoying roommate. So, how do we get to the loving marriage you desire? PATTERNS. What if you prayed together nightly? What if you went on dates regularly? What if you refused to sit on your phones while you were together? What if you talked openly about your fears, frustrations, dreams, and desires? The marriage you desire is on the other end of healthy habits.
A vibrant faith and relationship with Jesus. Again, let’s quantify what this looks like. What does that look like when you see someone with a passionate faith? They probably read their Bible daily, make church a weekly habit, and talk to God often. I imagine they have friends who encourage their faith and read books or listen to podcasts that challenge them to grow spiritually. Until your relationship with God feels close and intimate, why not start with some of the patterns listed above? I bet you’ll start to feel a lot closer to Jesus, and I bet you will start looking a lot more like Him.
Make a plan, stick to it, and regularly assess your progress.
Now that you have an end in mind and a pattern to live by, you just have to stick to the plan. Discipline is like a muscle it grows over time. Know you are on a journey; you’ll fall off, you’ll get tired, and you may want to give up because you’re not seeing the results you want fast enough. Commit to sticking to the plan now. The results WILL come. It just may take longer than you wish. That’s ok. While you’re on this journey, figure out a way to check your monthly progress. Maybe retake the above assessment and score yourself in each area each month? Progress is addictive. You just have to make sure you have a way to check it.
You can do this! You can have the marriage of your dreams. You can have the faith you’ve always wished for. You can lose weight and develop life-long friendships. You just have to assess where you are, reflect on what brought you here, and make a plan to achieve your desires. Make this year your year! Let’s go!