Why I didn't marry my soulmate

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Yes, I know I baited you into clicking on this blog with my catchy title. Before you label me the least romantic person alive and begin a prayer chain for my poor wife, let me explain. I didn’t marry my soulmate, because there is no such thing. Megan and I love each other very much and believe God’s hand is on our marriage, but this idea of a soulmate is more fairytale than helpful. So let me give you 4 reasons why you should stop looking for your soulmate.

#1 It’s NOT Biblical

I’m a pastor. Therefore I believe the bible and go to it for truth, not culture. You will not find a single scripture that says you are incomplete without another person, and you must tirelessly search for your soulmate until one day you find “the one,” and you both live happily ever after. You are not an incomplete spirit, searching through life waiting to be magically reconnected to your missing other half. The job of your spouse is not to “complete” you. The only relationship you and I are incomplete without is Jesus.

#2 It ignores WISDOM

“But God told me they are ‘the one’.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people say this and even thought this myself. Too often, what we call the voice of God is really just chemistry and attraction. While those are good starting points to a relationship, they are far from what’s needed for a successful marriage. A successful marriage doesn’t come because God pointed out your “soulmate” in a crowd. A successful marriage comes from two mature believers sacrificially laying down their lives to serve one another. Use wisdom. Get to know someone. Look for Godliness. Look for maturity. Listen to your friends and family members who love you. And when someone shows you who they really are… believe them. 

#3 It’s DANGEROUS

The concept of finding the right “one” makes it seem like marriage will be a blissful love affair with no fights or disagreements. This is dangerous because it leads us to believe that finding our soulmate is destiny; therefore, it will be perfect. This simply isn’t true. For all my married friends out there, you know this. Marriage is work. Don’t allow this lie to paint a perfect picture of marriage that isn’t real. You can have a great marriage, but it won’t be a problem-free marriage. 

#4 It keeps OPTIONS open

If you buy into this idea of a soulmate, it becomes easy to wonder if you married the right one when things get tough. But let me go ahead and answer that… if you’re married, you found the right one. God hates divorce and takes it off the table with only a few exceptions, and “I married the wrong one” isn’t on that list. Marriage is meant to be for life, and until death do we part. Every marriage has ups and downs. Every relationship has seasons of passion and dryness. Don’t give up on your marriage. Pray for them. Serve them when they don’t deserve it. Love them when you don’t feel like it.

I’m no mathematician, but I think for everyone to have a soulmate is a statistical impossibility since there are more women on earth than there are men. So can we just let go of this idea of a soulmate? Instead of compiling a list of 75 things that cosmically have to fall into place for you to know you’ve found “the one,” work on becoming the spouse God wants you to be. Work on your issues. Work on your relationship with God. Work on your finances. Get ready for the relationship you desire and trust God with the timing of it all. 

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