God created us male and female, and your body isn't a mistake. If you're struggling with your gender, those feelings are real, and having them isn't a sin. But the most loving thing I can do isn't to agree with everything you feel. Let me explain why.
What the Bible says
From the very first page, the Bible says our maleness and femaleness are part of God's design. "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them" (Genesis 1:27 ESV). Then God looked at everything He had made and called it "very good" (Genesis 1:31 ESV). Jesus pointed back to that same design: "Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female?" (Matthew 19:4 ESV).
Your gender isn't something you have to discover or decide. It's something God gave you. "You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!" (Psalm 139:13–14 NLT). He didn't make a mistake when He made you.
Why I won't just affirm it
I battled depression from the time I was a kid. When I was depressed and suicidal, I believed my life was worthless and that I should just end it. The worst thing someone could have done for me was to affirm what I believed.
What I needed wasn't someone to agree with my feelings. I needed someone who loved me enough to tell me the truth: my life had worth, God had a plan for it, and what I felt wasn't the truth about me. Feelings can be real without being true.
I believe the same is true for people who are confused about their gender. The pain is real. The confusion is real. But affirming a belief that's at war with how God made you isn't love. Love sits with you in the pain and still tells you the truth. "The human heart is the most deceitful of all things" (Jeremiah 17:9 NLT), and that includes mine.
Is it a sin to feel this way?
No. Struggling with your gender isn't a sin, any more than being tempted is a sin. We live in a broken world, and all of us feel that brokenness in different places: our minds, our bodies, our emotions, our desires. Jesus "in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin" (Hebrews 4:15 ESV). He understands. The question isn't whether you feel this. It's who you're going to let tell you who you are.
You might be thinking, "Isn't it unloving to not affirm someone?" Culture says love means agreeing with everything someone feels. But Jesus didn't love people that way. He was "full of grace and truth" (John 1:14 ESV). Grace first. Then truth. Grace makes you safe; truth makes you free.
If this is you
You are loved by God. You are not a problem to be solved, and you're not too complicated for Jesus. Your feelings are part of your story. They aren't the most important thing about you. In Christ, your identity is secure: "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation" (2 Corinthians 5:17 ESV).
You don't have to figure this out alone. You're safe to talk to us, and we'd be honored to walk with you.
A word to Christians
Don't mock this. Don't make people a punchline or a political talking point. Many people wrestling with their gender are hurting deeply, and Jesus never walked past a hurting person. Be the safest person in their life. Love them first, and make sure they know it. Then tell the truth with kindness. It's our love and grace that build a bridge for truth to walk over.
Scripture: Genesis 1:27, 31; Psalm 139:13–14; Matthew 19:4; Jeremiah 17:9; Hebrews 4:15; John 1:14; 2 Corinthians 5:17