You find it by believing what God says about you more than what anyone else has said about you, including you.
In the Bible, your name was your identity. That's why God renamed people. Abram, "exalted father," became Abraham, "father of a multitude." Simon became Peter, "the rock." And the enemy knows the power of a name too.
You know the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. Here's the thing: those weren't their names. When Babylon conquered Jerusalem, the king's chief of staff renamed them (Daniel 1:7). Their real names were Hananiah ("God is gracious"), Mishael ("Who is like God?") and Azariah ("God has helped"). Babylon renamed them after false gods: "under the command of Aku," "who is like Aku?" and "servant of Nebo." Every time someone called their name, they heard a new identity. And the plan worked so well that 2,500 years later, we still call them by the names Babylon gave them.
You might be thinking, "Nobody's trying to change my name." Maybe not. But if you're not careful, what others speak over you will become your identity. Ugly. Stupid. Rejected. Too much. Not enough. You'll never. You'll always. The enemy even tried it on Jesus: "If you are the Son of God…" (Matthew 4:6 ESV). If he can't change who you are, he'll get you to question who you are.
And this matters because if you don't understand your identity, you'll always live out of insecurity. "For as he thinks in his heart, so is he" (Proverbs 23:7 NKJV). Thoughts become beliefs, beliefs become actions, actions become habits, and habits become your life.
I know this one personally. I was bullied as a kid, and it got in my head. I didn't like how I looked. I always felt like an outsider. So I went on offense and became the bully. In high school and college I wanted to be the class clown, the guy at the party acting crazy. I just wanted people to like me, and I did a lot of stupid things to get it. I'd love to tell you that I gave my life to Jesus and it all went away. It didn't. I went on a journey the Bible calls renewing your mind (Romans 12:2). I took what I believed about myself and replaced it, one lie at a time, with what God says:
When I didn't like how I looked: "I am fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:14 ESV).
When I didn't feel smart enough: "We have the mind of Christ" (1 Corinthians 2:16 ESV).
When I felt like an outsider: I'm adopted into God's family (Ephesians 1:5–6).
When I doubted I could do it: "I can do all things through him who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13 ESV).
When I didn't think God could use me: "You did not choose me, but I chose you" (John 15:16 ESV).
When I wondered if God was done with me: "No one will snatch them out of my hand" (John 10:28 ESV).
Over years, the insecurity started to lose its grip.
When Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah stood in front of the furnace, the king called them by their Babylonian names one more time. But they remembered who they really were. God is gracious. Who is like God? God has helped. And they didn't bow. The security found in your identity is what gives birth to your calling.
So what's God's name for you? Start there.
Scripture: Daniel 1:6–7; Daniel 3; Matthew 4:5–6; Proverbs 23:7; Romans 12:2; Psalm 139:14; 1 Corinthians 2:16; Ephesians 1:5–6; Philippians 4:13; John 15:16; John 10:28